I had my amnesia from the past, ’til you came and I saw your smile again. Damn, you look familiar. Then I remember every single thing. You’re the person I loved for years, reason why I cried for years, and had a long nights having you there in my heart.
I can still remember that rainy Saturday when I realized that I have feelings for you but it seems to be blurry now. Two years ago, I could still see myself sadly disappointed, blaming it, and broken. Those times that I would message you repeatedly and I’d know that you’re already annoyed and I’ll feel like I’m much of being an attention-seeker. Those scenes of me inside the class glancing at you at the back and would take it away once you caught me then figure out again your face. It’s still in my mind, the first picture of you I saved and the picture I always stare at whenever I open my phone which also causes me that blended feelings inside.
You reminded me of the time you started about that mystery girl of yours and I was wonderin’ the whole time you’re keeping it a secret, I got myself into obsession with her but then you revealed. The moment you said you’re up on the roof, sad because of someone else. And I ,worrying so much. Those words from you when you called her your princess and my heart was pounded and devastated into tiny fragments, disintegrated.
I could recall the moment when she answered “Yes” and you would stand there in front of me with that glowing face. Those moments that I would see how you wait and send her home every afternoon after class, how the both of you look like with smiling faces and me, torn.
Why you treated me like that?
Why did you have to break my bones?
Why you have to be a part of my downfall?
I can’t think of reasons why I repeatedly broke my own heart and gave it slit. But at least, I learned how to be smarter, I stitched it. Now, I can see you standing tall there under the shed and I’ll watch you like that. Now, I’ll look at you without any shame and with feelings of emptiness. You’re like a photo taken in black and white, you should be totally forgotten. But you’ve been a part of me antecedently and it can’t be change by ease.
And I only want to tell, if I’ll tears again, well that’s definitely not because of you. I will never be that old self again, so if you’re trying to be back, you’re not welcome anymore.