Bare Feet Gal


Rain was falling as she stare on the window.

She stepped into the soaked road and grasses with bare feet,

Her hair, her whole body got wet.

She walked as she hugs herself in the coldness.

She cried, freely. Nobody could see the tears.

She ran and ran, pursuing the way to escape.

She danced, unpredictably. Nobody could see her moves.

And looking up, she watched the clouds go lighter as the rain falls heavier.

Her feet, her hands, her eyes was washed.

Grief and despair was gone.

Suddenly. She’s done with the pain.

Finally. Her heart and memory. The sky was clean.


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The Writer, Unknown


I am fragile.

I am fractured.

I am torn.

I am broken.

But with all that, gave me the power to use my paper slips and ink.

I write down what I feel.

And now, I’m drowning with words. Magic arises.

My mind is full of ideas.

Madness, anger, insanity all broke down into tiny pieces as I convert them into art.

My eyes stops from crying.

My heart stops from bleeding.

And my soul runs away from all the mess that sorrounded me once.

Unstoppable. Unpredictable. Pain is inevitable. But I escape. Alone.

I am. The writer, Unknown.


Questions from the Messed-up Heart


Why do we need to fall in love if it brings nothing but pain?

If it brings heavy weight to carry?

If it leads to late nights of crying and tears?

If it locks us in a cage of hidden feelings and darkness?

Why do we need to fall in love and be broken?

To be torn?

To be hurt?

To be alone?

Why do we need to fall in love with the person who can never love us back?

And believe at things which ain’t true?

And look at the most impossible possibilities?

And think of chances that will never ever come?

Why do we need to fall in love for no good reason?

Why?

Why to fall for nothing?


Scatter it, Eyes


There are times when I come home and the sky is dark, gloomy as me, the place is quite. I would change my clothes and then leave my school works undone, I would lay in my bed and think of nothing, empty. Though I make everything alright, I still feel so heavy inside like I’m carrying an unknown burden.

Then my mind will start to play past memories that would make me smile, laugh a little, and whisper something slow to my pillow. And he’s appearance would flash fast, and I’ll be quite again, my heart would beat so fast, and my breath will experience shortage. As he entered, my mind would ask a lot of whys , “ Why do I have to met you? ” “Why Am I like this. And why are you like that? ” “Why I can’t tell you about my bleeding self? ” And I would get no replies, no certain answers.

He’s just my dream and I’m only a dreamer, maybe he exist but for him I don’t, maybe he’s just a fiction, or maybe he’s just part my imaginations. I don’t want to be realistic, I don’t want to tell myself and God that one day I’ll forget about him, that one day I’ll let him and my feelings go ’cause I honestly don’t want to do that. But it’s a sad reality that today I’m broken, and tomorrow I’ll fall in love again with a stranger, and that person is not him anymore.

At the moment, I feel so torn inside but I’m frost. Nothing comes out in my eyes, no tears. I want to express my pain but how if I can’t cry. I really can’t. The weight inside me is trapped, it don’t want to show, it don’t want to leave me.

This ain’t a fairytale. No, this isn’t. I’m just hopeless. I’m just a fragile and broken glass.

So Scatter it, eyes.


To Mr. Wanderer


It’s 9:00 , I don’t know why I’m writing this for you but I’ll continue. I only want to say that I’m listening to music and yes, they’re about heartbreaks same to what I feel right now. 9:00 PM, the rain is falling, my heart is in ache, I’m scattering tears, I’m crying, and it’s because of you. Well, I’m not blaming you either ’cause I know that it’s all my fault and I’m the blameworthy in here not you, absolutely not.

I’m hiding my eyes from them, hoping not to be seen, not to be caught. But later, once the lights are out and they are asleep, I’ll burst again like what happened to me the last night. Your name will echo again in my mind over and over. My pillow will be soaked again. And my nighttime will be taken by sadness.

I don’t know why it is like this. I honestly don’t. I know I’m still too young but I feel so messed up, I feel so vain, so trap. I feel the same emotion when I stare at your pictures. Why would I dream of a person who don’t even know me? Why would I fall in love with someone who can never love me back? I know, I know that nobody will love me though. I’m unworthy.

I once wished that you could also feel what I feel, that you could realize my pain, that you could get yourself in this extreme sadness of mine. And that won’t happen. Never ever.

I wrote a lot already and I won’t stop ’til I got tired, ’til I know I’m empty, and ready to let you go. I hope one day you can read them for me. I hope one day you’ll do.

But let me be happy for you instead. I heard you’re in Hong Kong today, and I know you’re enjoying your moments there. Fulfill yourself, okay? And I will always be around as someone whom you don’t know. Someone who truly cares… Mr. Wanderer.


Incarcerated


You’re screaming but they can’t hear.

You’re drowning but they can’t descry.

With people in hideous,

No one cares about your tears.

No one cares about your cries.

No one cares about your pain.

Only you and you can save yourself away from that distress.

Solitarily.


Devil in Me


It’s always there, it’s always around.

I feel like he’s sticked with my feet.

Brute.

He never want to get away from me. No, he will never do.

He’s faceless, you won’t see any beauty nor ugliness.

He’s emotionless, you won’t see any happiness nor sadness.

It’s shady. All darkness.

But my madness and hatred for them empowers him.

I can’t trace any smirk. And it laughed, indignantly.

Drastically. It laughed for me.

His black heart and messed up soul are full of putrid memories.

Treacherous.

I now know. It’s not my shadow either.

’cause he’s my hidden self.

‘Cause it’s the devil in me.


Is it the Time of Letting Go?


In my heavy breathing. I can’t see clear, I cant think veraciously, again. I’m facing the outside as I feel the weekend breeze, looks like time really moved so fast.

Why it seems like I don’t miss you anymore? There’s no known answer but I know that maybe, I only learned and it entered my mind that being with you is impossible.

After how many proses that I wrote for you, well finally, I think I’ll be giving it an ending yet. This will be the last, will it be? Oh, I don’t know. I don’t know where is this going as I write with random ideas, with unpicked kinds.

Did I just cry for you?

Did I only destructed myself?

I maybe fell going down to my illusions and overreacting emotions. It’s my sickness of over thinking.

Maybe, my heart forgets. Should I now let you go? ’cause I think I’m empty, ’cause I think my feelings was gone, ’cause I think I’m tired already.

I can’t appreciate you anymore, Can’t really I?

No more tears. No more pain. But at least, my mind is still confuse.

5:36 PM

All I know, is nothing.

All I know, I created a messy wrote of narrative with brevity. For you. For myself. For my freedom.


[L]ove, pain, and [A]esthetics


Honestly, I don’t know how to start, I dont know what should be my words. Am I just making this for you or for myself ? I’m not sure if I’ll successfully craft this narrative prose out but all I know is that I want to unlock this trapped weight inside and express it out. I’m not sure cause nothing is sure, all I’ll do is try.

Can I just tell you that I am always in loneliness, I exactly know how my days run and how I look for my space, that I am always with my drowsy feeling, with my teary eyes, with my writing hand, with my fractured heart ?

Then I met you, never know what’s this dumb thing I’m lighting up again but I continue and I do. My dark times are usually spend thinking of you, nights are full of silence. Your beautiful voice, It’s like you’re a sad song in my mind that keeps on playing and giving my body chills. I can’t see anything but you, I love that eyes, that hair which is obviously soft to touch , that teeth of yours seeming cute, and that smile of perfection. Who are you to me? And who am I to you?

All I know is that you’re a Filipino-Italiano, you’re a model, you’re a Youtube Vlogger, you contain lots of positive and unique qualities. Don’t you know that I love your wanderer side?

Don’t you know that I always wait for your tweets?

Don’t you know that I even read your blog done from year 2013?

Don’t you know that I love your complete name and used it to my little stuff?

What makes you so wonderful?

I got tired of saving your 2093 photos on my phone, Have you ever told me to do that? You didn’t, my mind abruptly answers. I am sick and I’m trying to overcome it. I memorized the path and I’m walking to it now.

I, I am just nothing but a hopeless stranger poisoned with stupidity. I felt missing and I have no idea why is it like this, it’s devastating me. I know where it’ll lead, to better heartbreak I guess cause you’ll never walk and travel the same path I’m talking about. Someday, you’ll find that perfect match and I shall be happy, I don’t and I will never hold any right to dictate things to you. It says that If you love a person, then value his happiness not yourself.

You’re in the middle of shining on me but soon, you’ll set and I hope another sun will shine, and I wish that it will be you again.

I’m still thinking if I’ll let you know about this wrote or not, why would I ? Or why wouldn’t I ?

You’re my written calligraphy, this is done to let you know that you’re important and you’re a part of my life. I hope you’ll be reading this… And at that time, my heart will be free from pretends and denial.


At my Cup of Coffee


We all have pain, Who don’t, Right?

The pain that we always keep and and try to convert into smiles most of the time that we feel it. It’s complicated to cover that smile on our lips especially if ain’t true, but we shall.

I hope someday, somebody there will understand, will listen, and will take all the grief away.

At night, I could feel it but it seems like my eyes are dry and there’s no tears to cry but when the morning comes, it seems like the feeling is stronger and I want to express it all out but I can’t. I will wake myself into the sunshine of reality and then sip my cup of coffee. At every sweetness that coats my tongue, gives me hope of tomorrow and at every bitterness that changes the taste, reminds me of despair and nothingness.

Every sunshine and sunsets are part of the cycle, I walk at the same thing that happens over and over again.

I smile, I laugh, I tears, I cry, I’m in silence, I’m in noise, I’m in miserableness. Drama will never stop.